Once upon a time there was a mythical Kingdom called Mobilonica in a land Far Far Away. The people of Mobilonica lived their days happy and busy as they went about their lives – using gadgets and machines mostly from the mighty Magician’s Guild of Redmond to help them through their lives. For as long as the Magician’s Guild had been around, there had been the competing Necromancer Hall, with a niche yet annoyingly loyal membership – not unlike Collingwood ball-by-foot game fans.
One day, seeing the Magician’s Guild growing tired and complacent with their mobile communication magical aids – the blue-jeaned, turtle necked inventor and founding Thaumaturge of the Necromancer Hall came up with the iFruit invention. Before long, everyone in Mobilonica wanted their own iFruit, and it became a must have in their Kingdom and across the wide land, leaving the Magician’s Guild’s devices languishing on shelves looking archaic by comparison. Queues to get each new iFruit device left the Magician’s Guild Chief Mage – Ballmor the Magnificent fuming and ranting on stage to his fellow guild members – exhorting them all to greater magical efforts because they had been caught napping.
Years passed and newer and better iFruit came and went until finally the Magician’s Guild released their much vaunted new Metrofonica7 devices in conjunction with the Mobilonica Manufacturing Consortium, who also competed with the iFruit. This new range of state-of-the-art magical devices was their last combined creative effort – conceived deep in the bowels of the Earth under their Guild Tower with rare and mighty spells. In their dreams it was to eclipse the Necromancer’s popular contraption!
The Magician’s guild unveiled their new devices to the people of Mobilonica and promised to add new features and keep these devices up to date with the latest magical advances. At release however, the devices could not perform the fabled Disapparate and re-Apparate spells that the iFruit could achieve – and the Magician’s Guild had to send their Device Master Mage Belfore out on stages everywhere to promise that this spell would be rolled out to all their devices very soon, for everyone that bought one now.
Unfortunately, whereas the Necromancer Hall was able to pass on their magical re-charges and upgrades direct to all their customers by virtue of their popularity and success and total control over their iFruit, the Magician’s Guild had been forced to cede authority to the various members of the Communication Guild for sending out their magical recharges and upgrades. The Communication Guild wanted to make sure it didn’t harm or impact on their member’s secret messaging technology. Infuriatingly, the prime motivation of the members of the Communication Guild was to bind people in NEW communication contracts, called SCRU-U’s, with threatened ETF’s – where if you break the contract early a mythical demon from a nightmare is unleashed and is not banished until it has consumed someone from the signing parties family – hence ETF (EatTheFamily).
As a result, the Magician’s Guild angered many of their first new customers of their Metrofonica7 – failing to get the recharges and updates to them on the promised timeline. It was a mess, with the people not knowing if the Communications Guild, the Magician’s Guild or the Manufacturing Consortium were responsible for the delays. Riots and furore broke out in the magical ether of the world.
Then in the midst of this fiasco, an independent Wizard from the land of Chevronaus found a way to get the Metrofinica7’s to be recharged and transformed with the magical NoDo spell that the Magician’s Guild could not get out. Many used this, only to find the Magician’s Guild saying this may break their Metrofonica7’s – and mean they cannot again be recharged into the future. Unlike the Necromancer Hall, whom may have put a contract out to hunt down and destroy this Wizard’s magical ability, the Magician’s Guild invited the independent Wizard from Chevronaus into their Guild at Redmond, and gave him a magical tunic with an amusing quip embroidered into it and unlimited beverages from the realm of Mountain Du.
So, as I write this tale, the majority of Metrofonica7 owners are now getting their magical NoDo recharge spells for their devices (except for those in the Kingdom Down Under, where the evil tyrant Telecom the III rules along with his illegitimate foreign cousin SingTus). The Necromancer’s iFruit success continues to amaze and the Magician’s Guild have learnt some valuable lessons that may be pivotal to the future success or failure of their Metrofonica7 devices that hold such promise. And all the people that used the spell from the Wizard from Chevronaus to bypass the Magician’s Guild, await with baited breath for someone to tell them if their devices will still have Magic when the rumoured exotic Durian Upgrade spell is released by the Magician’s Guild / Manufacturer’s Consortium / Communication Guild at some future date.
To be continued….Part II The Battle of the Durian vs. iFruit5; with the arrival of Sir Nokialot du Finn, a knight in shinning armour that comes to the aid of the Magician’s Guild of Redmond, throwing in his lot behind ArchMage Balmore to overthrow the evil reign of the Necromancer’s iFruit upon the land.
Addendum. On a more serious note, I have just completed a LONG companion post (well more essay) clocking in at ~2,500 words (You have been warned) to this piece. Titled “Ten questions I want Telstra to answer on WP7“, it focuses on Telstra – and the launch and support to date via updates for WP7. Be Brave, find 15 minutes of your life you will never get back – and let me know what you think…”